Martoons

Today: Miss No gets a little too touchy.

Cast of characters

Miss No

Thomas

*

“So, you and your husband Mr Go run this business I understand?” said Thomas.

They were now dining on mushroom stew in a little restaurant in a back alley.

No waved him off. “He’s not my husband.”

Watching this great white hunk-of-a-waygook Thomas fumbling with chopsticks, No couldn’t contain her ear-to-ear smile.

He was going to be putty in her hands.

This was coming together like clockwork.

* Do you think it will come together like Miss No hopes? *

She played footsy with him under the table; Thomas was too afraid of offending her to move his legs away.

Then they went to a singing room.

She poured his drinks and danced with him, wrapping her arms around him in a tactile feast of his upper body.

But when they sat down and she plopped a hand down on his inner thigh, Thomas slammed on the brakes.

This whole thing was rubbing him the wrong way.

* Is Miss No going to take Thomas’ rejection gracefully? *

“Miss No, do you mind if I go out and smoke?”

“Oh, oh, oh! It’s okay – not necessary to go out.”

She depressed the service nipple on the table and within seconds the singing room madam was at the door.

“Tambay (cigarettes),” she ordered bossily then turned to the now panicky foreigner.

“You can smoke in here.”

“Oh no, no, no! In Canada we never smoke inside and I just wouldn’t feel right doing it here.”

In actual fact, Thomas didn’t smoke and never really had.

Right now he purely and simply had to get out of that singing room and away from Miss No’s groping hands.

It was like one of those traps where all four walls were closing in and the ceiling was dropping.

He was getting chronically claustrophobic and desperately needed space.

Understandable, since No for the last few hours had violated every square inch of it.

What was with her gushyness?

Were all Koreans like this?

He suspected not.

He wondered if she was up to something.

It all seemed … forced.

Thomas left her behind and hurried out of the room down the hall, past the front desk where the madam was preparing a glossy stainless steel tray of cigarettes.

He fled into the street.

As he collected himself outside the building he realized his brow was covered in sweat.

This Miss No was nuts.

What the hell did she think she was doing?

Her rubbing and stroking him all felt phony.

He wasn’t turned on by her at all.

Either she was desperate or, as he thought before, she was trying to seduce him into something.

At this point he had no idea what and didn’t care to guess.

This was all so new to him and he was trying to get his bearings.

He took a deep breath and started to get a grip on the situation.

This must be some kind of battle for control between Mr Go and Miss No, he thought.

Seconds later No came running out, realizing her indiscretion.

“Sorry, sorry Mr Thomas. I was very rude. I just want to be your … friend. I want you to feel welcome.”

Thomas, still wary of offending his new boss, carefully chose his words.

“That’s okay Miss No. I’m not used to Koreans’ loveable style. You people are very intimate and touchy, feely.

“I am not used to it. It makes me uncomfortable. And that singing room was so … stuffy. Just needed some fresh air, that’s all.”

“I don’t want to end this meeting on a bad feeling,” she said.

“Can we go to a coffee shop to end the night?”

Thomas chuckled. “Sure boss, as long as the night actually does end there!”

No got the joke but didn’t laugh.

She was embarrassed.

“So,” Thomas said filling the uncomfortable silence, “which coffee shop should we go to?”

He’d got over his boss’ indiscretion and wanted to make her feel a little better.

It wasn’t the first time a chick he didn’t like had hit on him.

No rarely went to late night cafés – traditionally dens of general seediness staffed by youthful yet loose, uneducated women from poor families.

Or worse, orphans.

Their clients?

Greasy-haired, chain-smoking company men in loveless marriages and worked-to-death jobs, looking for non-nagging, ego-stroking female companionship.

Nevertheless, realizing that time was of the essence, No knew of one dingy old café near Central Institute and she hopped in a cab with Thomas and took him there.

As they ascended the stairs, little did she know that the server inside was about to put the kibosh on her liaison with Thomas.

* So it’s because of Miss No that Thomas met Coffee Lady? *

*

Tomorrow: Witness the first meeting of Thomas and Coffee Lady.