Martoons

Cast of characters

Fred

Caffeine

Mrs Won

*

Scene: Hot Sauce’s Middle School – in the yard.

“Do you wonder how I got my name?” Caffeine asked. “I love coffee. Maybe I am addicted to it. Maybe now I must get some.”

She pointed across the street to a coffee machine standing outside a convenience store. “I get – how you say – cravings?”

“Bye bye!” She scampered away quickly across the street where several other students congregated.

Fred hastily finished his tea and crushed up the cup. He looked around for a trash bin and noticed the closest one was by that coffee machine.

Caffeine and friends were loitering there, wrapped up in animated conversation.

Fred slinked-up behind and disposed of his cup. They didn’t notice him and he disappeared into the blackness, feeling warm and fuzzy all over.

“Payback,” he muttered to himself, “for not losing my temper with those two Hyundai guys.”

A little later with the sun just above the horizon, Fred arrived at Central where the secretary looked baffled that he’d actually showed up.

She explained that the housewives were absent today.

* Why don’t the housewives come in on exam day? *

However, Mrs Won had left directions where he could meet them for hiking. If he wasn’t too long, they’d wait for him.

He immediately grabbed a taxi and headed there. The trail started behind some nearby rice fields.

The taxi had to weave up narrow little brick-laid alleys flanked by high concrete walls punctuated with iron doors to the houses behind them.

It truly looked like something out of Korea from fifty years ago.

* Will Fred be too late? *

At the meeting point, the half dozen housewives were eagerly waiting for Fred.

Without exception they were decked out in formulaic hiking clothes: sleeveless red vests with thick plaid work-style shirts underneath; beige corduroy pants, knee-high socks, and hiking boots.

Fred was definitely the odd man out, dressed in semi-formal wear. To fit in better he loosened off his tie.

They hiked up a steep, concrete road for about 500 metres and then a proper hiking trail began.

After about ten more minutes, now quite high above the city, they came to an exercise station and each housewife enthusiastically took a machine for a moment, stretched and exercised, then rotated machines.

They encouraged Fred to do so and he pulled off some chin-ups and then sit-ups on an inclined bench.

Back on the trail, the housewives chattered amongst themselves gaily and Fred caught up to Mrs Won.

“I take it this exam day is a really big deal in Korea,” he said catching his breath.

“Today is the most important day. Exams rule our lives. I must do everything I can to help my daughter do well.

“In a few more minutes we will arrive at a temple to pray to Buddha, to make sure fate treats Hot Sauce kindly.”

After the temple, they walked back down the trail a bit. They came to a clearing with a spectacular viewpoint and congregated there.

Fred looked down and tried to pick out Good Lucky Apartments, Central and Riverside Institutes. Meanwhile, a housewife rolled out a mat for break time.

Fred knew the routine from Jiri – shoes off, sit down with legs crossed. He’d found sitting like this difficult in the beginning but was getting used to it.

He appreciated developing better posture as it facilitated deeper breathing, and apparently also aided digestion.

Another housewife had packed some apples and proceeded to cut them into slices and pass those around on a paper plate with toothpicks.

A third had stowed some rice alcohol in her backpack. She passed out paper cups and they each had a shot.

The housewives were impressed when the bottle passed to Fred and he accepted it with both hands and then held it out to pour a shot for the housewife next to him.

“Ah! You know Korean drinking style very well,” said a housewife, jokingly adding, “Maybe you are … alcoholic?”

 Fred chuckled and realized he did drink more here than back home.

But here it was always social, not the I-drink-alone-style of a loner security guard from Edmonton with no life, sucking back a beer or two solo in his room after a late-night shift.

*

Tomorrow: The housewives and Fred make an extra stop post-hike.