Martoons

Today: Oddball opens up about himself and Korea

Cast of characters

Thomas

Wide Eyes – the name ‘Oddball’ goes by

Coffee Lady

*

“Name’s Wide Eyes. A nickname obviously, given to me by a banker guy I know here. When he first called me it I wasn’t impressed and almost took a swing at him.”

“But now I just accept it. I like it, in fact.”

Thomas shook his hand vigorously. “Wide Eyes? That’s kind of racist isn’t it?”

* Does the half-breed Wide Eyes have ‘attitude’ about racially pure Koreans? *

“They don’t call it racism here. They call it ‘nationalism.’ Anyway, yeah it’s racist – well, half-racist I guess.”

He scoffed. “I’m a half-breed: Half Korean half Canadian. That I’m not pure 100% is a big thing for Koreans.”

“You look pretty Korean to me.”

“Foreigners can’t usually tell but Koreans can right away. It’s like they’re hard-wired. I was born here on this God-forsaken peninsula back in ’65.

“My old lady was Korean.” He picked the cigarette up and took a measured puff.

“My old man was a Canadian soldier – Korean War vet.”

“Didn’t the war end in the ‘50s? Like, 1953?”

“That’s absolutely right professor. Ten points for you. My old man stayed on in this country. Why? I don’t know – never met the man.”

“Anyway, that’s the biological story behind my wide eyes. I’m half hangook and half waygook.”

He noticed that Thomas didn’t have any beverage. “You want a coffee?”

“Sure.”

* How does Wide Eyes relate to the Korean Coffee Lady? *

Wide Eyes snapped his fingers and the curvy Coffee Lady promptly returned to the table.

Thomas beamed a big smile but she still didn’t make eye contact with him, looking only at Wide Eyes. “What would he like?”

“Hey, Coffee Baby,” Wide Eyes responded. “You gotta learn about our culture too. What I mean is, ask him yourself.”

“Don’t go through me. We’re direct in our culture. Look deep into his eyes and take his order.”

Coffee Lady looked down. “Yeah.”

Thomas sensed that she was just putting on an act, not wanting to let on to Wide Eyes that she actually already knew and liked Thomas.

He also sensed that Wide Eyes seemed to be a regular customer so a certain amount of pandering by the Coffee Lady was necessary.

She cautiously looked at Thomas. “What would you like?”

“A coffee please, but can you water it down a bit? I’ve had java here before and it’s too strong.”

Coffee Lady looked a tad perplexed.

Wide Eyes interjected and waved the whole thing off. “Just get him a coffee. We’ll take care of the rest.”

She gave a quick head bow and retreated from the table.

“Koreans like things simple” Wide Eyes said, puffing again. “This ain’t McDonald’s back home. No special orders. One size fits all here.”

“Got it,” Thomas said.

* Working in Korea: Does Wide Eyes give Thomas reason to be optimistic? *

“Look, I gotta get going right away, but did you say you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Sure. You seem to have some kind of association with Mr Go my boss, right?”

Wide Eyes raised his eyebrows defensively. “I … might … have.”

“No, no,” Thomas said, “don’t take it the wrong way. I’m not prying into your life and don’t care who you hang out with. But I just want to know something: Why the hell isn’t that guy paying me?”

“I signed a contract and pay day’s pending, but I got this weird feeling that he’s going to stiff me.”

Wide Eyes waved him off. “Buddy…” He snapped his finger in front of Thomas’ face. “Wake up, man. You’re in Korea. Relax. Go’s a good guy. He’ll pay you … something … eventually … maybe.”

Coffee Lady scooted over and put his coffee on the table and quickly darted away.

Thomas felt like he’d just run into a brick wall.

His head dropped and his shoulders deflated. “Yeah, you’re right. Question is how much and when?”

*

Tomorrow: Wide Eyes demonstrates some duplicity.