Martoons

Cast of characters

Fred

Mrs Park

Mrs Kim

Miss No

*

All this time Miss No had been up in her third-floor headquarters.

Her whole world had been turned upside-down about an hour ago when she’d found Fred’s scandalous manifesto.

She’d poured over it with fascination and horror and now concluded she would have to fire him. But when? And how?

She’d learned in a short time that nothing involving foreigners was easy or simple.

* What will Miss No do to get rid of Fred? *

Sinking into reflection, she inadvertently turned her attention back to her desk computer monitor of the new security cameras.

She was still getting used to it but liking it.

A flurry of dissonant images was currently flashing on the STAFF OFFICE camera view. Who was down there right now?

She made out Fred’s image and then two more people’s images registered on the monitor. Two … women? 

And … was one playing a drum? The other … dancing? With Fred?! She un-muted the sound.

Sure enough, drums.

Dong-dong-tack’-oong-tah!

Up went the volume.

Dong-dong-tack’-oong-tah!

Was this whole thing for real or was she seeing things? She zoomed in on the picture.

Zoom to 200%: Yes, two Korean women confirmed.

300%: Both familiar faces.

400%: Confirmed: Mrs Kim and Park.

Miss No then noticed the oblong object on the staff table. Her eyeballs strained in their sockets to see closer. It was a soju bottle!

She cranked up the sound to catch every detail of the unfolding and outrageous drama.

Volume was at now full – so loud that her monitor speakers buzzed.

Dong-dong-tack’-oong-tah!

Park was now doing a polka with Fred and the waygook flung his arm out aimlessly and knocked over the soju bottle.

It didn’t break yet the bottle’s clinking on the laminated table surface came over No’s maxed-out speakers like a sledge hammer hitting an anvil with a dozen ear-splitting reverberations.

Clink– Clink – Clink– clink– clink– clink– clink– clink –clink …

No jolted in her desk and something inside her snapped. That was it. Now these yahoos had offended her honour.

* Is she off to break up the party? *

She instantly fled the office and bee-lined for the staff room, yet stopped outside it for a final listen.

Inside, Fred and Park were still obviously twirling ecstatically around the small rice field, locked arm-in-arm and whooping feverishly.

“Bang that drum Mrs Kim!” Fred yelled. “Yahoo! Ari, ari, ari-rang!”

Dong-dong-tack’-oong-tah.

The benevolent festive spirit permeated the door. Outside it, Miss No had allowed herself to crack a smile.

She was now experiencing last-second ambivalence about going in and breaking up the party.

* Will she still do it though? *

Bobbing up and down, Fred hit that rare point where one transcends oneself; a sort of spiritual ecstasy.

His eyes mostly closed, the room seemed to spin around him. Then it was as if the floor dropped away and he was floating.

He suddenly lost his balance and stumbled into the table. He reached out but his fingertips could only slide across its sheen surface.

He crashed to the ground in a crumpled heap of flailing limbs.

* Is Fred okay? *

Kim didn’t miss a beat; she was in a trance-like state from her drumming and oblivious to the commotion. Dong-dong-tack’-oong-tah.

“Oh, oh,” Mrs Park fussed, concerned but also laughing joyously “Mr Fred – you okay?”

She reached down and pulled Fred back on his feet right away; laughing, sweating.

“Ari, ari, ari-rang!” Fred sang out as he got to his feet.

With No’s ear against the door, captivated yet cringing, Fred’s stumbling and its accompanying crash and thud reverberated through the door.

No was jolted back, recoiled, and braced herself.

She then firmly clutched the door handle, rotated it and with a snap burst into the office.

*

Tomorrow: Mrs Kim reflects on her fascination with waygooks.