Martoons

Cast of characters

Mrs Kim

Mrs Park

Mr Go

A couple waygooks

*

Mr Go held off hiring a third waygook for a while and had many discussions with the two housewives – Mrs Park and Mrs Kim.

* What came of these discussions? *

“Waygooks are a lot more fun when they let their hair down, after work” the housewives had told him.

“They seem to have completely separate headspaces for work and play.”

One waygook had commented:

“From what I see, drinking and socializing in Korea is done often with company co-workers, so it’s like an extension of work. I couldn’t get into that.

“Alcohol for me is like a truth serum. When I drink, I like to speak freely. What if I think my boss is an arse-wipe?”

“I couldn’t say that at a Korean-style after-work pow wow. So, for me, that defeats the purpose of drinking.”

“In Canada, it’s different. When I clock out I don’t want anything to do with people I work with.”

So when Park and Kim devised events and outings for after hours, they made sure boss Go wasn’t usually present. 

Another thing the waygooks had remarked to the housewives was, “Really, what can we do here?”

“Everything’s in Korean. There doesn’t seem to be anything geared for foreigners.”

* Do you think that is a valid point? *

The wives’ response was, “When in Korea do as Koreans do. And we will be your tour guides and interpreters.”

That got the waygooks into all sorts of places around Chinju and environs that they’d never have even known existed.

The waygooks quickly learned what was culturally acceptable – such as telling the wives they were attractive.

At first, when Mrs Park asked one of the waygooks, “Do you think Mrs Kim is beautiful?”

or vice-versa (a common line of questioning in Korea), the feminist-conditioned waygook initially responded something like

“I think she’s a very nice person,” or “I think she’s very intelligent,” or (gag), “Her Englishy is perfect.”

The wives seemed hurt and the waygooks had to explain that in Canada, buttering up a female (or attempting to) ordinarily raised her red flags with a suspicion of ulterior, bedroom-bound motives.

However, as each waygook caught on to the culture and saw that feminism was only in its infancy here, he realized a better response was, “Yes, I think Mrs Kim is very beautiful,”

or even, “Mrs Park is extremely sexy.”

Then the floodgates of housewife kindness opened wide and the good times flowed (along with their husbands’ take home pay).

Tasty beef barbecue dinners. Hours at the singing room with endless beers to lube the vocal chords.

And after that, soothing teas at ornately-decorated traditional or glitzy modern, high-tech cafes.

And, occasionally, the quick end-of-the-night nip into an orange soju tent for a few shots of the lethal liquid and some tasty grilled treats.

The wives found the waygooks’ flattery refreshing.

Normally, their husbands never complimented their mates on anything.

They mostly criticized or issued orders like, “Where’s my dinner?” “Light my cigarette.” “Get me my shirt and tie for work.”

The husband’s thinking was that if you complement a wife too much, her ego will inflate; she’ll get complacent and become lazy.

* Is there any truth behind that notion? *

Neither of the waygooks was attractive in their own right but the housewives disregarded that because befriending a foreigner in Korea is a status symbol.

Yet friendship has to be continually stoked and nurtured. Thus, the nightly outings became a regular part of both parties’ schedules.

Things started going so well that aside Park suggested to Kim a little competition:

Who could be the first to land a roll in the rice paddy with the waygook?

* They wanted to see who could be the first to get a waygook into bed? *

Nothing happened with either of the first two waygooks, but later when Go hired Thomas, Mrs Park decided to make the first move.

And although she technically did get him ‘into bed’, it was only at the Hollywood Inn that time a few days after he’d arrived and had collapsed in the street from exhaustion.

Even though she hadn’t got herself into bed with him, nevertheless she couldn’t pass up the chance to tease her friend.

Right after she’d left the Inn with a somewhat sleep-refreshed Thomas and sent him off in a cab, Park had stepped into a phone booth and called Kim.

Emphasizing certain details and omitting others, the mere power of suggestion got Kim’s over-active imagination jumping to conclusions:

Park had bagged the first waygook!

*

Tomorrow: Mrs Kim may have a thing for Fred… Will she go for it?