Martoons

Cast of characters

Fred

Mr E

Donna 

Max

Other waygooks

*

Fred and E stopped to get a quick bite first at a small rice place, and then E weaved his car through the Rotary’s back streets.

The area was very organized for parking with customers all along little back roads and alleys but a parking attendant patrolled the area.

The feisty senior collected a fee from parkers and made sure they occupied designated squares.

It prevented the chaotic parking on sidewalks and blocking store entrances that was notorious elsewhere.

Entering the pub, E headed right off to the boys room. Fred spotted the table of white faces down at the end of the room (near the washroom – as usual!), sticking out like a sore thumb.

He approached and made eye contact with Donna, while other waygooks were drinking beer and talking.

Donna had saved him a seat so he walked around the table and squeezed into it.

As he did so, he noticed a lone Korean man whom he didn’t recognize sitting at a small table nearby.

Fred hoped the guy didn’t speak English very well because the waygooks were talking loudly and cutting the crap out of Korea.

* Do you think the man might actually in fact know English? *

“Koreans are so rude, always butting into lines,” one complained.

“So noisy!” barked another. “This morning my homestay ajumma was up at her usual 5 am, chopping a rock-hard frozen fish with a cleaver. What a racket!”

“The food is disgusting – that raw fish? Hey, I’m American. I don’t eat nothin’ raw, okay? Well, except … but we won’t get into that!”

There were laughs.

“Koreans always go behind your back. I’m always finding things out secondhand. Hey, tell me to my face. I’m an adult, I can take it!”

“Koreans leave their cars idling forever, even if people are standing nearby. Choke!”

“Shopping areas are frickin’ packed – wall-to-wall people in twos and threes. I could barely move! What a zoo!”

“Korea – the open air zoo!”

The waygooks all laughed uproariously. Fred had heard all these complaints before at Friday night beer meetings.

He decided it was time to put in his two cents’ worth.

“You guys are right – Koreans are rude – but that’s why we love this place, isn’t it? It bursts our bubble; gets us out of our comfort zones. Cheers!”

Some waygooks weren’t quite sure what to make of Fred’s comments but they were absolutely sure what to make of his toast.

Without much delay they all heartily chugged their beers, which was followed by a barrage of belching.

Fred turned aside to Donna, lowering his voice: “Another session of Korea bashing, eh?”

“Yeah.” She shook her head slightly. “That’s why I don’t come to these things anymore. But, you know, it’s Christmas and all that.”

“And there’s a Korean guy sitting right at that next table. We’re visitors in his country and you’d think we’d have enough sense to at least keep our complaints down a bit…”

Donna looked at her watch and started to get up. “Anyway, I’ve made my appearance. Excuse me for a second…”

She adeptly and quickly excused herself from the table to go the washroom.

When she came back she said to Fred:

“Just remembered; Miss No wants you to call her or drop by soon and talk to her. She wants to know your plan.”

She quickly turned to the rest of the waygooks, announced she was leaving, bowed and left decisively.

Fred wondered why Donna had cut out so quickly, wondering if she had seen Mr E enter with him moments ago and opted to leave to avoid awkwardness.

E claimed that they’d split on good terms but maybe Donna didn’t see it that way.

* Could that be true? *

Where was E anyway? Fred looked around and his attention was drawn over to the other little table.

The man he didn’t recognize was acting silly and trying to get his attention. E was now sitting there too.

“Mr Fred!” E exclaimed. “Come here please.”

Fred slipped over to the small table. The unknown man looked at Fred as if he knew him. “Long time no see.” He gestured for a handshake.

* Who is this man? *

“Have me met before?” Fred asked. Then it clicked.

“Oh yeah! Max from the pool hall. I didn’t recognize you right away.”

“You’ve dyed your hair! Looks great. That’s my favorite shade of orange. So handsome!”

“I wasn’t handsome before?” Max said laughing. “You haven’t been by my pool hall these days. How is your life?” He handed Fred a soju glass. “How about trying?”

Even though Fred hated soju he accepted the offer.

“You got here just in time,” Max said. “I have surprise. Oh! Oh! Oh!” His eyes lit up and he pointed frantically toward the main entrance.

“There!” He stood up and motioned for a tallish, handsome-looking man – a foreigner – to come over. “May I introduce my special guest . . . ”

* Who could the ‘special guest’ be? *

*

Tomorrow: Korean drinking etiquette is learned and put into action!