Martoons

Cast of characters

Mr Go 

Dame

*

“At least No’s awful communist-made syrupy wine was good!” said Go.

Dame chuckled and filled both shot glasses to the brim. He and Go bottomed-up followed by a mild curse at the soju’s afterbite.

Go squinted. “She may come by to check on me. We should eat something with this drink so she won’t know. You hungry?”

Blood vessels were swelling up on his temples.

“Actually starving boss. I bought a burger earlier but it proved to be just a rental. Cleaned me right out though – hell of a laxative. So, yeah, me hungry. Super hungry.”

* What are they going to have to eat? *

Go’s face lit up and he started getting up. “Korean bacon okay?”

Dame gave an instant thumbs-up. Go scrambled into the kitchen, calling out:

“Open that room’s window and the front door – but leave the chain on – so we can get a cross breeze going. Korean barbecue bacon – very smoky.”

He returned to the main sitting room with his arms full; carrying a portable, camper-type one element hot plate with a fuel canister that popped onto the side; an unopened bulky package of Korean bacon wrapped in newspaper; and a vat of kimchi.

“Mr Damion, I make rice now but we need lettuce. Can you go store?”

“Yes sir!” Dame had the window open and a chilly, refreshing breeze was flowing through.

He put his shoes on over at the door and Go gave him some money for the roughage.

“Get some other things as well,” Go added. “Snacks or something. Your choice. Pali! I will start frying up the bacon.”

He shoed Dame off with his arm in an almost motherly way. “Oh yes, get a package of wood chopsticks too.”

“Usually no one visit me so I just have one pair – my steel ones!”

“That’s hilarious! You are best bachelor!” Dame exclaimed.

Go had a full platter of bacon frying and the rice machine’s WARM light was on, now meaning the sticky white grains were done.

Go diligently scooped the rice into two bowls.

Out in main room centre the bacon was on full fry. Korean bacon when cooking is excessively smoky and has a very unique smell: Like burning human flesh.

Go caught a whiff of the massive amount of smoke wafting off the little burner as he scampered into the main room with the rice bowls.

He immediately removed the crispy, curled bacon segments off the burner and replaced them with raw stock.

The stench dissipated somewhat – until the new batch heated up.

*

Dame was just exiting the little store armed with lettuce, chopsticks, snacks and more soju. Then an amazing thought struck him:

“Wow. It’s Christmas and I’m in the Republic of South Korea. Who would’ve thunk it?”

* Is Dame feeling better about being in Korea now? *

As he passed by a phone booth outside the store, a cute and well-groomed woman – perhaps a university student – was making a call.

Gabbing incessantly, she inadvertently tipped her grocery bag and a plastic container of toothpicks plunked on the booth’s metal floor.

Hundreds of mini wooden spears were scattered.

By bending down to retrieve them, Dame saw a prime opportunity to combine good Samaritanism with a sneak peak: The woman was wearing the shortest skirt he’d ever seen.

* He’s not the best samaritan it seems… *

She, it turned out, was wise to such tricks and angled her legs sideways.

*

Tomorrow: Miss No jumps to conclusions.