Martoons

Cast of characters

Thomas

Fred

Max

Mr E

Coffee Lady

*

Drink To Death   

“My wet dream is one step closer to reality,” Thomas exclaimed self-mockingly but beaming as he returned.

“Just talked to Coffee Lady on the phone. She’s on her way.”

“Perky’s sound asleep in the coffee shop. The staff fell in love with her and they’re babysitting.”

Fred asked, “Don’t you think the air in that place will damage her young brain?”

Thomas laughed and looked at Max. “I’ll have to sue the owner since it was his idea to leave Perky there.”

He leaned over and shook hands with the gregarious gangster. “Thanks buddy for giving Coffee Lady a break from the cafe because it’s Christmas and I’m visiting.”

“No plo-brem,” Max said, struggling with pronunciation. “But one owa only. Copy shop – velly bijjy.”

“No doubt.” Thomas flicked a thumbs-up. Coffee Lady arrived about ten minutes later and cautiously squeezed into a seat beside Thomas.

She looked a little uncomfortable, possibly because Max was there.

Fred tried to lighten the atmosphere. “Coffee Lady, what do you think of Thomas?”

* How do you think she’ll answer? *

At first she didn’t say anything but Max prodded her to speak up. “Very handsome,” she peeped.

Thomas immediately put his arm around her. She looked surprised, removed the offending extremity, and slapped him playfully.

“How about marrying Thomas,” Fred suggested. “He’s single!”

She didn’t answer.

Mr E spoke up. “In Korea, intercultural marriages are almost unheard of. We Koreans strongly believe in the principle of one country, one race.”

Fred was getting a bit agitated and cocky from the few shots of soju that were coursing through his bloodstream. I think I drank ‘em too quickly.

“So Coffee Lady,” he challenged her, “you’re going to marry a Korean? And take orders from his parents?”

He snapped his fingers abruptly. “And, you’re gonna jump when his father orders you to “Get me my dinner!” or “Light my cigarette!”?”

* Does this sound like something that she’ll do? *

Coffee Lady sensed his mild fury but kept her cool. “I must marry a Korean but I wouldn’t take any orders. And I have no plan to marry anyone at this time.”

A waitress arrived with a huge platter piled-high with deep fried pork pieces. Everyone picked up a pair of chopsticks and began eating.

Fred sampled one of the shrimp-sized, brown, curly things.

”Think about it Coffee Lady. You’d have so much to gain by marrying Thomas.

”He’s been humbled by decades of feminism. You wouldn’t have to be his servant, you’d be his equal.”

“And in Canada you could get a good job. Affirmative action, you know?”

Coffee Lady seemed to be considering his mini-lecture.

Fred: “And Thomas could even stay home and take care of the babies.”

Thomas turned to the whole group and exclaimed, “How could any sane, reasonable Korean woman resist all that freedom and opportunity?”

Coffee Lady waved him off, unimpressed. Making no eye contract with anyone, she uttered: “Not so simple. Korean society – very complex.”

“Even if I want to marry Thomas from the bottom of my heart, it is … impossible.”

* What makes it impossible? *

Thomas hammed it up and got out of his chair, went down on one knee and took hold of her hand: “Coffee Lady, would … you … marry … me?”

The flurry of eating around the table slowed as if someone had pulled the plug on a film projector.

Those around the table carefully watched the goings on.

“You joking,” and she turned away.

Thomas put a hand on each arm and turned her back toward him. “Coffee Lady, look at me.”

She was shy but raised her head so that her eyes barely met his, but only briefly. “I am deadly serious. Would you marry me?”

Fred could feel the room temperature drop several degrees.

* How is Coffee Lady going to respond?! *

*

Tomorrow: Thomas gets Coffee Lady’s response and the night continues.