Martoons

Cast of characters

Miss No

1-1-9 dispatcher

*

“I’m sorry Miss. I’ve never heard of an address like that. Are you joking?”

Talk about fatal numerology – all fours (four, of course, meaning death).

No knew what he was getting at and rolled her eyes. “Let me guess. You believe in ghosts too?”

“Or does the sight of blood make you queasy? Maybe you shouldn’t be in that job.”

“Can we just get to the meat of the issue Miss? We’re very busy here.”

“The meat? Sure can. At this address there’s a Korean barbecue happening but the main item on the grill is a man. I can smell human flesh frying.”

The 1-1-9 dispatcher replied in a detached tone: “How do you know it’s a man? Did you go inside? Do you know this individual?”

* Why is the dispatcher asking so many questions? *

No held back hysterics. “Are you a recording? You are clearly not human!” She was trying to do the right thing but realized that practically everything she said might incriminate her.

Seconds were passing, Go was likely going from medium-rare to well-done, but the dispatcher persisted with his nosy, personal questions.

“Do you live in that area Miss?”

She pulled herself together. “I’m doing you a favour by making this call. I could have just walked away.”

”Who, what, where, when… All I know is I see smoke and smell broiled human flesh.”

“Maybe the occupants are just cooking food. It is a normal thing.”

“Stop wasting my time! Ayeesh!”

“Calm down Miss and no need to be rude. We will not tolerate raised voices or foul language. Now, again Miss, do you live in that area?”

“I don’t, but came here to…” She searched for an excuse and glanced around. The store. “…to buy something. I’m in a phone booth outside the store.”

“If I look down the block and up I see and smell smoke.”

“You can smell the smoke that far away?”

No was truly tripped-up but had to get 1-1-9 out here even if it meant lying. She swung her head around again to the adjacent booth and clutched at straws.

“Okay, okay, I personally didn’t see it actually. A woman …” She described the crouching woman in the next booth. “…came to me panicking and told me what she’d seen.

”I think she’s passed out now – in the phone booth! There’s even a man attending to her; down on his knees; administering first aid. I’m … I’m just relaying her last conscious words.”

“Are there any other witnesses we could talk to? How about that first aid guy?”

“I don’t think so. He appears to almost be unconscious himself. He’s on the ground, crawling around.”

No was pleased with herself. That should do it.

* Will No’s lying work? *

“Now look, send someone out immediately. I have to get out of here. I feel sick.” She slammed the phone down in frustration.

She hated dumb dispatch types – always cross-examining the messenger and burying the message. She shook her head again in disbelief and disgust.

A man – a person with a human soul – was sizzling away like a shaving of Korean pulgogi while the dispatcher played 20 questions.

Bursting from the booth, No scampered down to the main road to hail a cab out of here.

*

Tomorrow: Dame tries calling Max again, Miss No gets paranoid, and Fred debates getting more than just a massage…