Martoons

Cast of characters

Miss No

Mr Kang’s secretary

Mr Kang

*

Miss No’s first visit to Ulsan – the day after Fred had arrived.

No had been in a good mood that day because Fred’s white face had arrived from Canada safe and sound.

White faces meant thick envelopes of tuition cash from clients.

Moving ahead and brimming with confidence, she’d decided to start sinking her claws into Go’s Ulsan business.

The two institutes there were raking in dough, but mysteriously only a trickle of it was making it back to their Chinju business headquarters bank account.

Where is the money going?

She’d eavesdropped phone calls between Go and Kang and discovered that the Ulsan manager was re-directing Ulsan profits to a new, secret Go bank account to finance his after-hours decadence.

No decided it was time to do something about that. She’d go to Ulsan and get right in Kang’s face.

Very few people could resist her persuasion.

* Would Kang be able to? *

She had put together a composite of Kang as a naïve, happy-go-lucky bachelor who lived a very sheltered life.

He seriously needed a wake-up call and Miss No was going to provide him with that.

She’d rip him a new one; yet he’d be grateful to her when it was all said and done. He’d become a bigger, better and more capable man. Too easy?

In normal fashion she called Kang’s secretary and booked an appointment.

Secretary: “Is there anything special you require for the meeting?”

“Only that it be smoke-free.” No was impressed by the underling’s attentiveness and professionalism.

“I am allergic to smoke,” No explained, “and it makes my whole body red, irritated and itchy.”

The secretary chuckled. “Yes, isn’t it disgusting? Anyway, I will tell Mr Kang about your sensitivity. He is a very sympathetic man and I’m sure he will happy to comply.”

“He’s good that way. He treats all guests as absolute royalty. Is that all you wish?”

This simple exchange alone put No at ease and she thoroughly enjoyed the several-hours’ bus ride to Ulsan.

She breezed into Korean’s most polluted city ready to kick some ass.

Yet only a few steps into the lobby of Kang’s business and something was already terribly wrong.

* What was wrong? *

*

Kang Stinker                

Miss No was almost knocked over by the reek of tobacco. You could have cut through the smoke with a sushi knife.

Mr Kang, usually a light smoker, for some reason chain smoked that morning. And that would just be the beginning of Miss No’s frustration.

Kang must have taken two dozen phone calls during their appointment.

* Were these interruptions intentional? *

Some of the calls dragged on for four or five minutes and No could tell that most callers were buddies and the matters discussed were trivial – Who was going to win World Cup soccer?

Did Kang try the new noodle house down the street? Did he want to go hiking on Sunday?

Had he scored with the sexy new secretary?

Moreover, several coffee ladies and a noodle delivery guy came and went – more interruptions.

Kang had stomach problems as well and had to excuse himself for the washroom repeatedly.

“Think I ate some rotten bulgogi* last night,” he lamented and rushed out yet again. (*Spicy, barbecued beef shavings).

And whenever No asked him anything about business, Kang’s answer was always, “I have no idea. You’ll have to talk to Mr Go. I just do what he tells me.

“Things are running smoothly and this business turns profit. Why try to fix what is not broken?”

No was aghast. “Not broken? Mr Go is shattered and so is this business model.”

Kang waved her off with a strained smile. “This place is a licence to print money.”

“Ok, so where is that money? You are responsible!” She had her eyes lined-up on Kang like guns.

*

Tomorrow: The integrity of Kang and No’s meeting goes down the toilet.