Martoons

Cast of characters

Miss No

*

“Cheers – to me – the full owner and controller of my very own Englishy business. Me – from bottom feeder to royalty, all within one year!” Miss No stated. 

She filled up the wine glass used in the séances and with snobbish elegance placed the bottle gently back down on her desk and brought the goblet to her lips.

She felt distinguished and deliciously decadent.

Normally she didn’t consume alcohol so this wine had immediate effects. It warmed her tummy and – for some reason – her biceps.

And then, like a spark plug igniting fuel mist in an engine cylinder, her brain lit up.

“Cheers again – to me!” she cried out into the aloneness of her office. “But I must respect the man who got me started.”

She refilled the glass and tilted it back. “Cheers to Mr Go. The late great Mr Go. God rest his soul – even though he was driving me crazy!”

She lamented – and refilled the glass a third time. “You know a girl really could lose it here but I’ve cried enough tears over that man.”

The contents of the third glass disappeared down the hatch. “I’m going to turn over a new leaf now that I’m The Boss.

I’m not going to be sentimental anymore. That’s for high school girls and housewives.

“I’ve got to grow up and it’s a man’s world. So I’ve got to become manly. That means I must learn to drink and handle my alcohol. So far so good! This is too easy.”

* Is it really though? *

She hiccupped and a bit of wine came up.

Unaware of how to pace herself, the entire bottle was gone in a matter of minutes. And so was Miss No.

Her head was spinning.

* Will she be okay? *

With unusual adeptness she elevated herself from her big chair and rolled it back under the desk.

She moved around like a ballerina, slinging her handbag over her shoulder and grasping the neck of the empty wine bottle as if it were a dance partner’s wrist.

She waltzed to her office door and exited. Swaying from side to side down the hall she reached the end and used her free hand to grip the railing leading down the stairwell.

She felt a pee coming on, stopped on the second floor landing and made her way to the washroom.

She relieved herself but wine was still metabolizing and making its way into her circulatory system and culminating in her cranium.

Five minutes later she was even more physically impaired to the point of feeling numb and rubbery yet totally invincible.

Hiccup. Belch. She stumbled out of the washroom and inadvertently looked left.

Down at the hall’s end was the door out to Go’s old smoking balcony. “Did I lock that?” She staggered down to check but had the urge to step out on the balcony again.

She peered down at the dimly lit back alley and the buildings lining it. She’d never seen this alley at night and never heard it so quiet.

With inebriated impulsivity, she tossed the empty wine bottle down into the street. It smacked against the street surface and crisply shattered, giving her tremendous satisfaction.

She let out a great big cheer and began clapping her hands. “Hoo hoo-o-o-o!”

Her cab was still sitting there idling.

She cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled: “Sir, sir, taxi sir! Are you awake? Wake up. I am coming now for my ride my dear sir.

Oh I am very sorry I made you wait so long. You are very patient.”

The cabby was indeed sound asleep in his idling vehicle with a noisy heater, and didn’t hear Miss No’s calls.

Just before No stepped back inside to lock the balcony door, her straining eyes were trying to figure something out: Was that two cabs down there? How could it be?

* Are there two cabs down there? Or is she just seeing things? *

She covered up one eye but still seemed to visualize two vehicles. She shook her head and stepped back in.

“Think I’ve had enough to drink. A girl could get herself into trouble with this wine.”

* Will No get herself into trouble? *

*

Tomorrow: Dame and Go have cause for celebration and No may have ‘celebrated’ too much…