Martoons

Cast of characters

Dame

Mr Go 

Miss No

*

“Something hilarious just happened to us a block from here …” Dame said to Coffee Lady.

An hour earlier.

Their cab had just happened to be cruising down the street by Central. A thought struck Go like lighting: He had some soju stashed upstairs from his ‘old’ (a month or two ago!) crazy, night-clubbin’ days.

Why not sneak back into his old haunt and have a drink or two? What Miss No didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

* Both them and Miss No are in for a bit of a surprise! *

“Taxi, wheel around the back of this dumpy building will you?”

Within seconds they pulled up behind another cab parked there. Oblivious to that idling vehicle, Go parted with his last handful of change and the taxi sped away.

“Hey, this is Central Institute,” Dame squinted skeptically. “Why are we here?”

“We go my old office. I want to thank you for being my good friend.” He warmly put his arm around Dame.

“Come, brother. Hot noodles and booze. It is Korean classic menu.”

“Twist my rubber arm!” Dame chuckled. “In fact, with that new court decision, why don’t we say that this marks your glorious return to your institute?”

* Will Go actually be able to regain control of the institute? *

They walked up to the rolling door, felt for the key up top, and rolled the door up. As soon as he’d set foot inside, Go became burdened with doubt.

* How come? *

A giant MISS NO face was beaming down from his mind’s big screen. He found himself tip-toeing up the stairs to the second floor, and Dame immediately took notice.

“Don’t think we have to sneak around Mr Go. Nobody’s here! Relax. It’s Christmas – for a few more minutes anyway!”

Miss No, meanwhile, had already been through her drinking binge and was passed-out in the second floor women’s washroom.

Go and Dame carried on to the third floor spare classroom soju stash. It was stowed away in a dusty old filing cabinet.

The classroom door wasn’t locked and Go led Dame in and then tried to flick the light on but it didn’t work. 

“Ayeesh!” he muttered and fumbled inside his jacket breast pocket for a lighter. “This place is falling apart since I’ve left.”

He sparked it up and huge shadows of he and Dame were thrown against the walls and ceiling.

The waygook got silly by acting out numerous dramatic gestures, which were then projected like huge, absurdly exaggerated cartoon caricatures.

He chuckled and was getting settled in already.

“Mind if we smoke in here?” Dame asked. “She won’t know. The smell will be gone by morning if I…”

* If he what? *

He walked with purpose over to the room’s one medium-sized window and with some strain, cracked it open and then raised it up half way. A healthy flow of cool, fresh air rolled in from the alley.

“Ayeesh,” Go muttered. “Hot.” The edge of his thumb was almost roasting from his lighter, while he visually inspected the light outlet.

“I see problem: Bulb missing.” He glanced over at Dame, who was crouched by the open window and already smoking.

“I go downstairs to main office and get new bulb. Wait a minute please.”

As Go entered the hallway something was still nagging him – a hunch that he should still be cautious. Miss No was roaming around his head again.

Leaving the hall light off, he flicked his lighter again and moved along the corridor and down the stairs.

In the staff room he found the box of extra fluorescent light tubes and slid one out. It was gritty with dust so he headed to the men’s can to wipe it clean with a paper towel.

Right next door in the women’s room, No had drifted off but the brain region responsible for basic bodily functions was telling her to wake up and go for a pee.

Go took a leak as well but when he flushed, the urinal’s valve got stuck (it had happened many times before) and he jiggled the lever to get the ball inside to seat properly and stop the cascade.

“Ayeesh! She-bal! I hate to waste water! How many times has this stupid thing jammed!?”

A now semi-conscious No was totally confused about what was going on inside her head.

But she was very clear about what was going on inside her stomach – she wretched for what seemed like an agonizing eternity.

Go next door didn’t hear any of this – his urinal was still gushing water and he was furiously shaking the whole fixture.

* How does he end up fixing it? *

“Ayeesh! Close you cheesy valve. Don’t make me have to go and get my monkey wrench!”

He then stopped rattling the fixture and shook his head. “There are some things I really don’t miss about this place.”

His voice tended to carry and Miss No, wiping her chin off with a tissue, could swear a man was in the next room yelling.

But she felt so dizzy and her stomach was so sore from evacuating its contents that she discounted what was heard. It was obviously a continuation of her bad, alcohol-induced dream.

* Or so she thought… *

*

Tomorrow: Dame and Go share a toast, then get whacked!