Martoons

Cast of characters

Mr E

Miss No 

Mr Go

Fred

Dame

*

”Look, if you’re lying …” No said to E, then paused before delivering her knockout punch. “…then we’re over.”

“Just give me five more minutes,” the agitated E exclaimed. “Please!”

* Will E find a way out of this predicament? *

“You said that a minute ago! You’ve got four left.” She scoffed disdainfully and snapped her phone shut.

E was distraught. He was going to need a miracle to be able to magically appear in that washroom in the next four minutes.

Failing that, he didn’t doubt that Miss No would irrevocably sever their relationship. He sighed and his head dropped.

* Do you think E will be able to save his relationship? *

Was this fate? Maybe it was meant to be.

He recalled something the pastor had said at Miss No’s church: Some people are destined to be single their whole life.

And God loves them that way. And they can still serve God in all his glory.

The Big Soju Tent was itself empty now as folks had gone down to the fire for the last few minutes of the year.

The tent owner was listlessly wiping down a few tables.

E sauntered back to their corner table and slumped down in his chair like a burlap sack of rice. A concerned Mr Go and Fred followed.

E was engulfed in worried thought, and the tent was so quiet you could hear a chopstick drop.

And someone yelling.

“Mr Go! Mr Go!”

* Who is it calling out Go’s name?! *

*

Dame Arrives         

Mr E shot up and put his ear against the tent wall.

“Meesta Go! Meesta Go sir!” the outside voice called. “I’ve arrived. I’m here. Brother, let’s drink soju together!”

The voice was odd in that it sounded like someone putting on a cheesy Korean accent.

“You hear something?” Go asked E and Fred. “Who is that calling?”

* Who could it be? *

E waved him off with his ear still pressed against the wall. “Shh! Just a minute…”

“Meesta Go! Brother! M-e-e-sta Go-o-o-o! Where are you man?”

Go now more clearly heard it. “Why?” and shot outside.

E sat back down with Fred. “I’ve got about three minutes now to save my relationship with Miss No.”

He was combing memory fragments trying to piece together a blueprint of the washroom. Had there been a back window?

* Might there be a back window in the washroom? *

“Since you just managed to sneak out,” Fred said, “then you can sneak back in, can’t you? Pretend you’re the janitor or maintenance guy.

Maybe you could switch clothes with …”

He glanced around and the soju tent owner came into view. 

E was lost in thought, staring straight ahead when something behind Fred snapped him out of it. It was Go shuffling someone into the tent.

“Oh!” Mr E exclaimed. “You came!”

The new arrival came over to the table. E stood up and they shook hands. The new guy had a ball cap – like Mr Go’s – pulled down almost over his eyes and Fred didn’t recognize him.

* Who is it? *

What’s with these people? Fred thought. Is everybody wearing disguises tonight?

“Don’t know if I needed this thing,” the new guy said and peeled off the cap. “I hope she didn’t recognize me. Anyway… it’s New Year’s Eve and I’m craving my medicinal spirits.”

He picked up a fingerprint-smudged shot glass off the table and E filled it for him. “The night is young and getting better already, after a rocky start!”

*

Dame had been counting down the days, hours and minutes until his big pre-paid appointment with Coffee Lady – the one he’d booked through Max on Christmas night so that it would be a sure thing.

He’d come to accept that he’d be nothing more than a customer to Coffee Lady yet was okay with that. At least when you paid for it, you were guaranteed services.

Weren’t you?

* Was Dame not able to see Coffee Lady after all? *

*

Tomorrow: Coffee Lady makes a major decision.