Martoons

Cast of characters

Fred

Dame

*

”You know what they say – the more you worry about something, the more likely it is to happen,” said Damion. 

Fred was clueless as to what Damion was talking about. “So … what’s your New Year’s Resolution?”

* Do you think Dame has one? *

Dame was looking down – as males at urinals are prone to do – watching the steam rise up. “My resolution? Get the hell out of this frozen wasteland and off this God-forsaken continent.

“You know,” he reminisced, “I could really use a cup of Earl Grey tea.”

“I like to pour a big mug of it in the morning, and then after I steep it for a minute I take the bag out and dilute it with milk.”

He sighed. “It’s the little things you miss when you’re far away from home, eh?” Then his tone changed and he lowered his voice.

“Miss No wasn’t out there by any chance, was she?”

Fred shook his head. “Didn’t see Her Highness. Is she hovering outside men’s washrooms again?”

Dame grinned. “When we go back and meet them, don’t let on that you saw me in here or talked to me.”

“Deal? I was supposed to stay at the car the whole time. She’ll start asking me questions.”

Fred nodded and zipped up. Dame was up to something but Fred didn’t care. He was focusing on getting back to the spot for sunrise.

“Ten-four boss. You heading directly back there now?”

“Negative – in fact, you go ahead and I’ll leave after you. I’ve got to go and talk to someone. And then I’ve got to get back to the car at the motel.

* Who is Dame going to talk to? *

“Miss No is expecting me to be there. She’ll go ballistic if I’m not. If I were you, I’d go to the stage and wait.”

“Claim that spot – the rest of us will meet you there in a few minutes.”

Fred had placed the drink cans on the floor down behind his feet. He squatted down to pick them up. “Which one of these do you want? Pick fast, before it freezes!”

“Yeah, this washroom’s like an icebox. Sort of like this country – emotionally. What did you get?”

“Basically, four healthy ones and a cola.”

* Which will Dame choose? *

“Leave the cola for me then – and thanks. See you back at the pit.”

Fred made his way to the exit with his bag of drinks.

“Oh hey,” Damion called after him, “while I have you here, how much do you weigh?”

“About one hundred and ninety pounds.” He chuckled and shrugged. “Why?”

Dame grinned. “You ever had a ‘fireman carry’?”

Fred thought back. “Yeah I think so – at one of those fire prevention days back home when I was a kid. Why?”

Dame waved him off. “One other thing. Are you claustrophobic?”

“Uncomfortable in small spaces? Not at all. If I was I wouldn’t be in this God-forsaken country, would I!”

“Yeah, I hear ya.” Dame could see that Fred wanted to go. “That’s it for the questions. The witness may step down.”

* What do you think Fred thinks of Dame’s questioning? *

Fred left quickly and Dame finished his business. He proceeded to the stainless steel sink but realized the water was turned off for the winter.

Cracking his can of cola open, he put it up to his lips and tilted it back.

As the first gulp rushed down his throat, the liquid’s sheer coldness – now intermingled with ice crystals – caused him to reflexively gag.

His epiglottis slammed shut and he sifted the mouthful of pop around in his cheeks to warm it up. Then, slowly, he was able to swallow the sweet syrup.

Heading to the exit, he let a resounding belch echo around the vacant concrete, porcelain and steel room.

Peaking out the exit, the coast was clear of Miss No. He nipped out with his patented Cheshire cat grin and headed in the direction of the car.

Yet he needed one more thing on the way – a favour from the ajasshi who ran the Big Top Soju Tent.

* What kind of favour?… *

*

Tomorrow: It’s time for the New Year’s sunrise.