Martoons

Cast of characters

Miss No

Mr E

Donna

Fred

‘Santa’ (Dame)

Owner of Big Top Soju Tent

*

Santa            

“Oh! Mother!” No gasped and put her hand up to her mouth. Barely noticing Fred, Miss No was gawking at Santa.

Indeed there he was: The sad sack white beard but wearing a different outfit this time – a several-sizes-too-small sports jacket with sleeves midway up his forearm; and flood pants, which left his whole white-socked ankle exposed.

He was truly pathetic and for several seconds she felt sorry for him.

But the feeling disappeared quickly.

“Holy shit you weigh a ton!” Santa grunted.

Fred looked like the human equivalent of a folded-up cardboard box about to be slid into a recycling dumpster’s receptacle slot.

“Where the hell are you taking me …” he groaned, “I can’t take this much longer.”

* Where is ‘Santa’ taking Fred? *

To conserve energy, Santa didn’t answer; just continued clomping awkwardly along the beach away from the washroom and toward the Big Top Soju Tent.

Merely moving one leg forward a single step tangibly drained energy.

He gasped for air but his lungs were filled with flem and he had to hold his breath to suppress a coughing fit.

Looking straight down at the sand, he didn’t dare look up to see how far the tent was – the mere sight of it off in the distance would be demoralizing and sap strength.

* Is he going to make it? *

Suddenly, Santa’s legs gave way. He collapsed and dropped to the beach like a 20-kg. burlap sack of rice.

However, a hasty recovery was in order.

After quickly catching his breath, he sprang to his feet and offered a hand to Fred, who was still crumpled on the sand and massaging some feeling back into his abdominal area.

Reaching up and locking hands with Santa, up Fred came. They both surveyed the scene behind.

“Let’s go,” Santa gasped, “They’re on our tails.”

Miss No, E and Donna were quite a ways back, weaving their way through dozens of oblivious beachgoers.

* Will they catch up? *

“Move over, move over!” No darted her arms out and used breast stroke-like arm movements to cut through the mob.

The deeper into the crowd she infiltrated, however, the less she could see ahead.

Up on her tiptoes, only the tops and backs of Santa’s and Fred’s heads were visible. And barely beyond them was the sign over the doorway of the Big Top Soju Tent.

“Ah ha!” she shouted to Donna and E. “I see where they’re headed!”

“Quick! In here!” Santa led Fred through the Big Top entrance flap.

Inside, the tent owner wasn’t on his little stool behind the counter. He was over at their table from last night shoveling sand.

* What’s he shovelling sand for? *

He’d already dug a knee-high mound. He was sweating yet his grin revealed that he didn’t mind the exercise.

“Is it open?” Santa asked.

He and Fred approached. The owner stopped digging, crouched down and pulled off a hand-crafted lid, uncovering a hole into the ground.

* The underground tunnel! *

“Be careful. This little tunnel curls right under this wall and comes up just outside.”

“You’ll come out directly behind my tent out of view of anyone on the beach, and can directly get to the steel staircase up to the road.”

“A few minutes ago I went outside and opened up the other end while everyone was down watching sunrise. I don’t mind you guys playing gopher, but be quick about it.”

“I want to go and close that end up – don’t want any old geezers falling down there or kids crawling through! As soon as you go through, I’m going to seal it up.”

Fred chuckled in amazement. He’d heard the owner’s story last night about the patrons who’d burrowed out to avoid paying. Now, seeing was believing.

Santa surveyed the hole in the sand, which led down into darkness. “OK,” he turned to the owner.

“That crazy lady’s on to us. Undoubtedly she’ll be showing up here any second.

“Time for me and my buddy here to do a disappearing act. Remember – not a word to that lady about what’s going on.”

* Will the owner keep quiet? *

The owner nodded and looked repulsed. “Yeah, yeah. That lady – I met her this morning.” He did a wave-off gesture. “Persistent, isn’t she?”

Santa held out his hand to shake the owner’s. “Thanks for helping us escape. I owe you a favour. Next time I visit here, we drink soju okay? Me pay!”

The owner chuckled. They shook hands.

Miss No’s hysterical voice was audible and getting closer.

* Will she get there before they can escape?… *

*

Tomorrow: Miss No thinks she’s got Santa and Fred cornered…