Martoons

Cast of characters

Miss No

Donna

Mr E

‘Santa’ 

Dame

*

No stormed up to the big tent entrance. She didn’t care if the owner was all cozy and off in dreamland.

She was going to wake him up – rudely if necessary – and get to the bottom of this.

* Will the owner be in there? *

She flung the entrance flap back and stuck her head in. “Oh my God! I can’t believe this. I must be going crazy.”

Now it was Santa sitting behind the counter, beard and all.

* Another run-in with Santa?! *

“Aigo,” Miss No muttered. “Does this man have absolutely zero conscience?”

“After snatching my waygook off the beach in broad daylight only moments ago, he sits there dozing!”

Miss No’s eyes shot around the tent looking for Fred – or Damion – or the tent owner. Her heart started thumping. “Where is he?” she yelled.

“Huh?” muttered Santa, cracking one eye open.

“My foreigner? You can tell me or you can tell the police and the immigration authorities. Where did you hide my foreigner?!

“You kidnapped him from the men’s washroom just after sunrise and carried him across the beach to here.”

“I saw you come in here a little while ago! Game over. I’m don’t want to play anymore.”

Santa shrugged and his face drained of blood, causing him to frown.

One of his pet peeves was being accused of something out-of-the-blue; something that he had no clue about.

His ex-wife had accused him so many times of fooling around with female patrons at his soju tent. That was one of the reasons he’d eventually divorced her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he rebutted. “I have no idea. I don’t know! Please leave me alone.”

“That’s it,” No exclaimed, “I’m going to the police. Mr E stay here and make sure beardy boy doesn’t go anywhere. Donna, come with me.

“Let’s go track down one of those young coppers like the ones we saw last night.”

“I’m sure they’ll savor the opportunity to get involved in an international incident.”

*

Five minutes later. Dame, now on his way back with his own clothes on and the tent owner’s rolled up and under his arm, heard a commotion coming from the Big Top tent.

He could hear muffled voices yelling back and forth; one was Miss No’s; another the soju tent owner’s; and a new, fresh third voice sounding like someone mediating the dispute.

Dame picked up his pace to the entrance flap and burst into tent.

Miss No and soju tent owner were sticking accusatory fingers in each other’s chest, with a young pimply-faced policeman doing his best to break things up.

Dame intervened and separated the combatants. There was a brief lull in the action. Miss No hadn’t even registered Damion’s existence.

She was still taking it out on the hapless Santa. “You kidnapped my foreigner off this beach this morning! How can you possibly deny it?”

* Will this ‘Santa’ reveal the truth of what has really occurred? *

“Miss No,” Dame said sheepishly with his head bowed down while lightly kicking at the sand guiltily with one foot. “I have a confession to make…”

“Why!?” she said, now seeing Damion but still not accepting it as real. “I am right in the middle of something.”

A few seconds passed and she switched gears. “Mr Damion! Where have you been? Ayeesh! We thought you’d been injured – or worse!”

She noticed the pink jacket sticking out of his bag.” And why are you carrying a bag of clothes? Is this whole thing some kind of sick joke?”

* Is she going to figure it out? *

In a calm and monotone voice, Santa interjected: “Miss, I have no idea what is going on here.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about. Would you please leave me alone?”

He peeled off the beard. Miss No gasped.

*

Tomorrow: Dame comes clean and Fred makes it to Chinju.