Martoons

Today: A day in the life of Miss No. 

Cast of characters

Fred

Miss No 

Mrs Won

Hot Sauce

Scene: Central Institute staff room

*

The waygook was fast asleep and drooling on the file folder.

At a subconscious level, he could hear his name being called and an alert buzzer went off in his unconscious mind.

Wake up Fred Pineridge!

Conceal that sensitive file.

It’s Miss No!

Part of his mind was being doused with buckets of ice cold water, but another part had a Do Not Disturb sign hanging on it.

His head weighed a ton and he couldn’t elevate it.

“Meesta Fred, Meesta Fred! Open the door, sir.”

No wrapped on the smoky glass with the sharp corner of the metacarpal bone of her right forefinger.

Fred instantly snapped wide awake.

“Don’t come in!”

“Why? What are you doing in there?”

“Er…er…I’m I’m … naked!”

Miss No’s visage took on a skeptical, screwed-up expression.

She put her fingertips up to her lips to conceal them and giggled.

Fred gathered his scrambled thoughts. “Er…I am so tired Miss No and just had a dream that I was back home and getting ready to crawl into bed. I’m so embarrassed.”

“Give me a minute to get dressed then…then I’ll open the door.”

He scrambled to re-file Thomas’ dossier and fit the filing cabinet drawer back.

“Mr Fred are you okay? What is that banging noise?”

* Do you think Miss No is suspicious? *

“Oh sorry, lost my balance and banged into the filing cabinet. Just a minute. Oh I’m sorry this is so embarrassing.”

No shook her head, fascinated by how different these foreign animals were.

She also wanted to turn over a new leaf with them and not be so suspicious.

“Okay, take your time. In fact, I have to go on a trip this afternoon. Why don’t we have a little talk tonight or tomorrow when I’m back?”

“For now, after you get dressed, go down to the street. Someone is there for you.”

“Huh?”

“It’s a surprise. Hurry up! Goodbye Fred, I have to do something.”

Fred was relieved to hear her high heels click out of range.

Even so, after he’d closed the cabinet and tidied-up to cover his tracks, he tiptoed to the door and cracked it open.

Peering out to make sure No had vanished, he scooted out and down the stairs.

* Has Fred figured out where Thomas is now? *

He glanced at the Korean word he’d crudely transcribed to the palm of his hand.

A translation would reveal the location where Thomas was!

He smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.

That had been a close call.

Too frickin’ close.

But now it was lunchtime and he was so hungry he could eat the arsehole out of a skunk.

History was unfolding as it should.

For the next little while anyway.

Down in the street, Fred climbed in ajumma’s car and it sped off.

“Didn’t expect you Mrs Won. What a nice surprise!”

“Today I take you back to apartment to eat rice,” she replied, madly stepping on the gas and bombing out into traffic.

“Maybe you are very tired and need to relax. Next time we will go to a restaurant but today my daughter is already at home and really wants to see you.”

Fred was both impressed and embarrassed by all the attention.

“Fred, I only  today I take you home and only because it’s your first day and you’re new.”

Back at Good Lucky Apartments unit 1313, the ajumma quickly assembled a typical lunch of rice, kimchi and thin broth-like soup with a few very modest shards of mystery meat floating around.

Fred changed clothes as they’d been drenched with perspiration earlier and felt stiff and clammy now.

As he came back out en route to the kitchen, Hot Sauce’s door was open so he stuck his head in.

He noticed several trophies on her shelf and took a cautious step in to get a closer look.

“Tae Kwon Do?”

“Of course,” Hot Sauce said, “It is the national sport of Korea. There are many gyms here in Chinju and I was a member.”

*

Tomorrow: Mrs Won is part of a… Mafia?