Martoons

Today: The foreigners share some of their negative experiences. 

Cast of characters

Fred

Donna

Other foreigners

Scene: Pub at Chinju Rotary

*

“I was saving that seat for Mr E,” she said, “but he didn’t show up again. That’s two strikes.”

* How come Mr E keeps standing Donna up? *

“Maybe it’s got something to do with me,” Fred retorted.

“Wasn’t the last time he stood you up when we went out for ice noodles?”

Donna seemed lost in thought.

She was sporting a short-sleeved shirt and Fred noticed a hockey puck-sized bruise on her bicep.

She explained how she’d earned that ochre badge of courage, courtesy of Mr Go at the Mountain-of-a-Thousand-Jagged-Peaks hotel in Cheju Island.

“Yeah,” she said running her finger tips over it, “it’s getting better. It was purple a week ago. Then it turned green.

“Or was it green first … then purple? And it was sore.”

She chuckled.

“Anyway, now it’s itchy.”

She lightly scratched it and then sipped her beer from a frosted mug, obviously fresh out of the freezer.

The sight made Fred thirsty.

Conveniently, a pimply-faced college-aged waiter appeared immediately and took Fred’s order while Donna jabbered on:

“Mr Go really barreled into me but it didn’t feel like it was on purpose. I think the man has some serious psychological problems but I don’t know and didn’t ask.

“It’s got something to do with his army service? I have no idea. None of my business.” 

Having been in Chinju for over a month, Donna was already the most senior of the waygooks present and was enjoying holding down the floor, sharing her rapidly-accumulating arsenal of battle diaries with the entire table of wary waygook newbies.

“I’ll never stare into an aquarium again.”

She swigged her beer.

“We’re all under the microscope here. Koreans stare at you, gossip about your clothes, weight and everything else personal.”

She belched and then giggled at her abrupt outburst.

“But they do it to each other too. Students call each other nicknames – Pizzaface, Elephant Nose.

“One little girl has a facial disfiguration. They call her Monster.”

After a slight delay, a few of the new foreigners laughed.

In unfamiliar territory, they were still carefully calculating what comments were appropriate here.

But once on safe ground, the floodgates of Korea-bashing flung open.

“These people,” one of the newbies dared to say, “have no concept of noise. This morning at 5 a.m. my ajumma woke me up – inadvertently I’m sure – by chopping a raw fish up on a cutting board.

“It was as if she was hammering nails in the room next door.

“I woke up and couldn’t get to sleep after that. I staggered out into the kitchen with slits for eyes and a huge bed-head but she was … oblivious. Bang, bang, bang…”

Another foreigner:

“My owner decided to try to have his way with our new American female teacher. Apparently she was a model back in the States and I can’t deny she’s attractive.

“On her first night here my owner invited her out for a beer and side dishes. Apparently she turned out to be one of the side dishes.”

“She fought the guy off … and told me all about it the next morning – from a telephone at the international airport. She left.”

He shook his head and looked down, remiss.

“What a waste of a perfectly good person.”

The table went quiet for a brief moment.

Donna sipped her beer again and tried to lighten the atmosphere:

“Yeah, that sucks but it’s a different culture here and you have to tread lightly. You have to use this thing,” and she pointed to her brain.

“And think about it – how many people back in Canada get a chance to do this?”

She chugged her beer again.

“Make no mistake about it though. Any one of us here could be deported tomorrow for any reason – if there is one.”

She chuckled.

“Seems like the first week is make it or break it. Or even the first day!”

The remark struck a chord with the other foreigners and they nervously yet optimistically chatted amongst themselves.

Fred pondered her comments as well but was then distracted by Donna quickly preparing to leave.

* Why is Donna leaving so soon? *

“What?” he exclaimed.

“The party’s just getting started and you’re a rock star here. How can you leave so soon?”

His eyes darted down to her no-longer-frosted but still condensation-covered beer mug.

“And you’ve still got half a beer. You can’t leave that. You’re Canadian – that’s sacrilege!”

Unfazed, she slipped out of the booth and said quietly to Fred, “You have to know when to leave these meetings.”

She looked over the table and then lowered her voice to a whisper.

“I’ve been to a few of these gatherings already. Foreigners are okay – in small doses. They bitch too much about Korea! I find it can really drag you down.”

She raised her voice back up to normal volume and addressed the group.

“Anyong!” (Goodbye!)

She quickly headed out with Fred’s eyes inadvertently following her toward the exit.

* What might Fred be thinking? *

*

Tomorrow: Fred is let in on a rumour…